Throughout my childhood, adolescence, and much of my young adulthood, I spent so much time trying to puzzle out the words while other people worshiped in song that I really did not understand the depth of the music–no time to ponder the theological implications when you are one, two, or even three steps behind and often realize you heard the words incorrectly anyway. Once in a while, well-meaning people suggested that I just sing the melody using a generic “Hallelujah” or “Jesus.” I never did it–I felt that it would never do honor to God to sing “Hallelujah,” if the congregation was singing “Sweet Hour of Prayer.” Worship music is planned with specific purposes in mind, and I was aware enough to understand that my heart could not be united in worship with everyone else’s if I sang different words. So I often did not sing, and I united my spirit as best I could.
In 2006, while I was attending seminary at Anderson University School of Theology, I was very blessed, and my worship was forever changed. The seminary purchased a braille copy of the Church of God hymnal so that I could participate in chapel services. I purchased another copy for use at home and have used it as a resource for my participation as a member on the worship team at my local church.
Use of the braille hymnal opened up a whole new world for me No longer was I limited to singing a few hymns or verses that I had managed to learn because we had sang them so many times during my childhood that I had managed to memorize them. I could read the lyrics to any hymn and, once I learned its tune (like any other music) I could sing it.
I learned just one thing about using the braille hymnal. Hymns make me cry. Sometimes I feel like an old sap, especially when I am on worship team and I am singing hymns and I am weepy. But perhaps that is what it means to model worship in spirit and in truth: to be moved enough to allow my heart to worship as well as my voice. In the Bible, worshipers shout joyfully to God; and people fall prostrate before Him when they pray. We are certainly much more muted in our expressions of worship, at least ini my church. Perhaps people will excuse me if I am a bit expressive while singing.
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weepy with you!