“Advice to my younger self” books seem to be popular. I’m not old and wise; but I graduated with my M.Div. Enough years ago that I understand that I would have done some things differently if I had hheeded some advice. Of course, I was not there to give it to myself then. Fortunately, I still have life left to live–and so do you. Perhaps my advice to myself may help you to avoid some of the crazymaking that I did … and some of the emotional paralysis if you are prone to such things.
I recently found an email from a professor in response to a question I asked. He answered me honestly and gave me good advice: to not worry about what was bothering me and just propose a paper.
I did what he said; but I did not take his words to heart emotionally. The problem wass that I didn’t know how to accept positive feedback. I had low self-confidence, low trust in my own ability to make choices, and had learned to hide my feelings under a pretense of humility.
Accepting a compliment is not prideful.
Acknowledging my gifts is not prideful.
Acknowledging my hopes, dreams, and plans is not prideful.
All of these things are necessary for coming to an understanding of how God is at work in my life. They are also necessary for weathering failure.
Failure does not mean that God is not at work or that God has taken away God’s plans for me.
It might mean that I did not prepare well enough for the situation, or that someone else did not prepare, or that other things happened along the way.
Acknowledging failure, and learning what contributed to it, help me to move ahead toward doing the things that God has for me to do.
I can’t do any of this without emotions. In success there is joy. In failure there is pain. If I am a deeply emotional person, it is vital that I make space for emotional self-care … to experience the emotional and smoothly move back from the extremes.
Having recently navigated the waters of finishing my final D.Min. Project among and transitioning out of studenthood, I can’t stress enough how important emotional self-care is for every student. Perhaps it is most important for those who don’t expect to be affected by emotional highs and lows because they are primarily thinkers. Thinkers may respond to failure with deeper self-criticism and feelings can be masked as further perfectionism and self-analysis.
In summary:
* Give yourself permission to believe people’s compliments.
* Save positive feedback in a special place. You will need it again one day.
* Don’t make decisions based on negative emotions.
* Come down gently from the highs, but remember them.
* Remember that nothing external defines you: not your degree, not your work, not other people’s impressions. Only you define you. Respect yourself and it will show.
