A few years ago, a friend introduced me to a brilliant piece of writing, The Spoon Theory. At the time, I was a seminary student and had been recently diagnosed with an undifferentiated condition related to rheumatoid arthritis. I read the article and breathed a nice, deep sigh of relief. Somebody had figured out how to put in words what I felt–sort of.
I had one difficulty with the spoon theory. What about the times when you can’t let your spoons go, when you have no choice but to keep going even though you’re out of spoons? I learned to do this well while in seminary. Sometimes there is no alternative–I might run out of spoons while I am out and have to make it home. I might run out of spoons while I’m home alone, and I’m the only one who can take care of me. In those situations, there is nothing to do but keep going. Since I also live with asthma and migraines in addition to the arthritis, this became a serious concern. I could be coping with a severe headache and tired from not breathing well, but the best solution is to get to the bathroom and take medication and then clean out the nebulizer and do the breathing treatment. But all I really want is to sleep.
And so I came to understand what my life with chronic illness is really like.
I love to get an occasional frosty from Wendy’s. Occasionally I find that the person at the window sticks an extra straw or spoon in the bag. I am not one to waste these things, and they always go in my drawer for a rainy day. Recently, I was too tired and hurried to do the dishes, and I needed to eat. So I pulled out one of those Wendy’s spoons, ate some yogurt, and tossed the spoon. I regretted tossing it immediately. I’d love to have a new set of spoons–my set is missing some of the originals. Those Wendy’s spoons are not quite as durable as my good spoons, but they sure do come in handy when I need them at the last minute.
Sometimes in my life, I find that I have reserves of strength that I didn’t realize I possessed. They aren’t the kind of reserves that will let me do the things I ordinarily do; but like the Wendy’s spoon, they will serve light duty in an emergency. When wrestling with the spoon theory, I always find it important to evaluate whether something is a necessity for me to do right now. For those things that really do need to be done, there just may be a Wendy’s spoon lying around.
