I have been having a number of conversations about faith lately. They all come to one center. I can’t live a life of faith in God and at the same time plan as if God might not take care of me. I have wrestled for most of my life with the concept of what it means to “have faith.” Does it mean asking God for something and believing that God will give it to me because I asked? Does it mean trusting that God has a purpose bigger than my little personal desires and believing that God will guide my heart in its desires so that my asking will align with God’s purposes?
Maybe both: for if I do trust in God and desire to live in God’s purpose, then I do surrender my personal plans to God’s designs. Those designs may or may not end up coinciding with my personal dreams, but they always give me joy. God takes care of the emotions in my heart. This I can testify to. I did not always believe it would be so, but it is true.
I have spent the last nine months asking God directly: “What do you want me to do by faith?” God gave me a directive. I did it. God took care of the fear by providing just what I needed.
Recently a professor of a course I was taking gave some encouragement to those who may be uncertain about what lay ahead. He said, “I’ve never been afraid of having bills unpaid.” It stuck in my mind. I took it as encouragement for my heart. God knows what we need.
It is easy to talk about faith, and to celebrate it, when good things happen that we can see as signs that God has provided. It is hard to hold on to faith when the signs go away.
But it is in these times that we remember the signs that we have been given in the past. God’s faithfulness has been shown numers times. It is not gone now. It will be shown in the future, and at that time we will declare that God is a good and faithful God. But that is no spirituality at all. True spirituality is to be able to declare God good in the dark.
My first-year Hebrew students are just beginning to translate sentences using participles. Participles are the verb forms that indicate ongoing action. One of their sentences this week says, “We call to the Lord and he hears our voice. It doesn’t say he answers right now. It indicates ongoing hearing. The ongoing hearing leads to an answer. When the answer comes, we will know (recognize) that the hearing is complete. We will rejoice; for God heard our voice.
I do so love Hebrew for its expressiveness! Thinking of God hearing my voice which is lifted up helps me to imagine faith in a very different way. My ongoing cry isn’t an indicator of God’s rejection but a time for God to continue hearing my voice.
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