My introduction to biblical studies did not come gently. My parents did as much as they humanly could to provide me a Bible in a format that I could read; but in the 1980s braille Bibles were costly and hard to store. Individual hard-bound volumes cost $40 each; and 18 of them were required to complete the Bible. Every so often my family bought an individual volume. By the time I went away to college, I owned nine of them. Each was about two inches thick and quite heavy. Storing them in my college dorm room took up all the shelf space above my desk that was meant for textbooks.
In spite of the challenges that came with not owning a complete Bible, I desired a deep relationship with God. I wanted to be in the church as often as I could; and I soaked up sermons, music, and radio shows. My mother tells me today that she was afraid when the missionaries came because she thought that I might feel a call to become a missionary.
What I learned in all the hours spent with preachers and musicians was that God loved me, and Jesus was my constant source of strength. When I felt alone, Jesus heard my cries. When I needed rescue, Jesus stood by me. When I hurt, the Holy Spirit was my comforter.
During my childhood, I never felt imperfect, even though I read the stories of people whom Jesus healed. I believed that the stories were true; but I interpreted the stories to mean that Jesus heard the cries of people who wanted healing in a specific time and place. I never thought to ask for healing for my own eyes. I asked Jesus to help me cope with depression, and he did.
I was therefore surprised when people began to lay hands on me in such strange places as the middle school hallway and pray for the healing of my eyes. I supposed I had it coming–I did give the person permission to pray for me. But she was a teacher, and I thought she had noticed my sadness and meant to pray for that!
Several years later, on the campus of a Christian college, I learned that people believed that a person would be healed if they were saved. My world was shattered. Was I not saved? Did God not love me after all?
I descended into a deep pit of despair. I sought direction from pastors and professors. But I did not believe anything they told me until one of them suggested that I read the ninth chapter of John.
In the ancient world, blindness was often inflicted upon a person intentionally as a punishment for wrong-doing or was the result of an injury received in battle. In this passage, the man is not blind because of this kind of injury but because of a birth defect. Birth defects were viewed in the ancient world as curses visited on the family because of sin. So Jesus’ disciples ask whose sin is responsible for the curse (v. 2). Jesus says, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” … but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (v. 3)
The first half of the verse was a comfort to me at the time. The second half sent me back into the pit, because after saying this Jesus then healed the man. Why didn’t Jesus do some other work in the man’s life?
My struggle to understand God’s love for me lasted a long time. Could God love me without healing me? If God could love me without healing me, why did people keep bothering me and trying to pray for my eyes, even when I needed prayer for other things–and sometimes when I asked openly for prayer for other things?
The healing works of God are never about God’s love for the recipient of the work. Certainly God loved the blind man in Jn. 9. I am confident that God loved him whether he was blind or sighted. The works displayed were for the benefit of the unbelieving sighted people who would not recognize a work of God in any other way. The blind man certainly had faith to recognize Jesus as the source of the miracle; and he did not doubt that Jesus was a man of God. The Pharisees doubted, even when the man was brought before them (vv. 13-15). They did not believe the man’s own testimony, so they called his parents (v. 18). The formerly-blind man is confident enough to say, “Now that is remarkable! You don’t know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly man who does his will. Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” (vv. 30-33) He is confident in his testimony even though he is thrown out of the temple for it. (He was not allowed in the temple as a blind man in the first place!)
Why are we so preoccupied with physical healing? Certainly it is a wondrous thing when someone is healed. But I say, as a person who is blind, that it is a far more wonderful thing when we tell the truth about God’s faithfulness! I don’t speak to an audience of people who would disbelieve a wonderous healing. I speak to an audience who more often than not seeks to see healings for the uplifting value of seeing what God can do. God does not specialize in exploiting me for other people’s positive emotions. Perhaps that is God’s best display of love for me.
I can live without my sight. God has empowered me through the giftedness of people who have created technology that allows me to read and write using the computer software that speaks out loud and shows text on a braille display. I am grateful every day that God is my refuge and strength. This is still as true as it was when I was a teenager, and that is the truth that I cling to every day. He is your comforter too!
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