As I was passing by my husband’s desk this morning, he commented that a Facebook friend of his had posted something entitled “ten ways your husband is like a child”. We glanced over it together, and I had some thoughts in response. I thought I would post them since I often hear general comments of this nature in conversation, see them online, etc.
I realize that things like this are often intended to be funny. But there is enough truth in the supposed joke that it is no longer funny. It is easy to ruin a spouses’s esteem because we don’t carry out our vows in our words. When we marry, we make promises to love, honor, and cherish one another. Making degrading comments is one of the most unloving things we can do to a spouse. If women think men act like children because they leave laundry on the floor, stay up late playing video games, or eat junk food when they’re out, what do men think of women when we gossip, giggle, can’t stand to clean up dead animals, and get weepy at the drop of a hat? Ladies, get over your silliness, pick up your man’s laundry off the floor, and be quiet. He’s in the other room cleaning up something you can’t stomach, and he’s not posting on the Internet how women are like babies! If it is that much of a problem, sit down and have a real live discussion–without being mean or subtle. It actually does work.
In June, at the time of our wedding, I was surrounded by EKG machines, oxygen, etc. I heard words that sometimes made me wonder if Kevin would make it home. Once we got home, I wondered whether we would have much stability. Nothing reminds a person of the importance of presence and genuine love like that.
We have been very blessed. Kevin’s health has improved greatly with the help of our excellent doctor’s faithful care. He recently spent several days caring for me while I lay in bed with a migraine. Most of my migraines are not long-lasting; but none of them are pleasant. A few months ago, I awoke with a raging headache and told him that “whiny baby” was awake. He now makes a habit of stroking my hair and telling me, “I love whiny baby.” I can become emotionally vulnerable during these painful times, and it is important for me to know that he loves me even when I am feeling and acting this way.
He is an excellent cook, and he greatly enjoye surprising me with whatever he thinks up for dinner while I am in my distress. It is his form of ministry to me. I have my own forms of ministry to him. Our journey has involved learning to trust each other to care for each other where we have had to rely on our own selves. That is part of what it means to love, honor, and cherish each other.
We do not have a perfect relationship. There are times when we have to apologize for speaking too quickly, too harshly, or for not having the facts fully. We are working on those things. But one thing we have done right. Neither of us makes snide remarks about the other gender. Not only would it be a failure to love each other, but it would be a disrespect for what God created good. Our vows to love, honor and cherish are things we take deep into our hearts; and those things include the ways in which we speak about each other as well as to each other.
As you participate in discussions online and interact with your friends, please remember your vows, and especially when your spouse is absent, lift him up in the presence of your friends and family. You never know when he might truly need it.
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